Mothering The Divide

She Can Do It

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6-23-16

“I do it!”  These are the words I hear, over and over again, all day long.

When we’re rushing out of the door, I hear these words when you try to buckle your own shoes.  I stop to help you and you say “I do it!”  And I let you do it, even though it’s frustrating, because I know someday, your little shoes won’t be at the door at all.  So, I wait and watch you slowly buckle your shoes, and I try to savor the moment of watching your tiny feet fit into your little shoes.

Every morning before the sun is up or before I’ve made my own coffee, I grab a glass from the cabinet and the orange juice from the fridge, but even before I take the cap from the container, you say, “I do it!”   So, I sit you on your stool and watch with tired eyes as you so carefully pour the juice into the cup.  And at first, you spilled the juice and I tried very hard not to sigh.  But now, you can pour almost perfectly and the small smile you give me tells the story of your pride so clearly. Continue Reading

The Fear of Failure

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6-21-16

I found this rejection letter going through an old file cabinet at the last minute before our move last week.  If I had given up then, for good, I would have abandoned a dream.

This is my first rejection letter from almost six years ago, when I first made a real go at being a writer.  My son was only a year old and he inspired me, even then, to go for my dream of being a writer.  I remember putting him for a nap–mostly in my arms–and sitting at my computer to write the query letter I sent.  His hair was very blonde then and I actually remember thinking that I would go for my own dream so that I could show the sweet and resting, blonde-haired boy how to go for his own someday.

This letter came and others followed, and I put the dream aside to mother and teach, or so I told myself.  It was really because I was afraid to fail. As Coelho writes in “The Alchemist,”   “There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.”  And that was certainly the case for me. I was discouraged; I was afraid.  And, I had no real intention of ever writing again for anyone but myself. But then, my son grew up and my daughter was born and I found myself again as I was long ago.  And I owed it to myself and to them to try again. So, I did.Continue Reading

Dancing in Brown Sugar

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These tiny feet belong to a little girl going through the “terrible twos,” or so I’ve been told.

Before 8:00 a.m. this morning, my daughter spilled my coffee, her cereal, and planted herself on the floor of the shower, yelling “No, Mommy” when I opened the door.  In turn, I planted myself outside of the door with a fresh cup of coffee and just watched her play.  I texted a friend and she told me just to sit and take in how cute it all was.  So I sat and I did just that.

By 12:00 noon, she dumped a bowl of crackers, smeared peanut butter all over my couch, and climbed on the counter and pulled over a vase of flowers she had helped me cut in the garden.  She wanted to help arrange them and said “I help, Mommy.”  So, we arranged the flowers together and she was very proud.  And I smiled and kissed her strawberry blonde head.Continue Reading

Looking for the Silver Linings

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Sometimes, sitting alone in the car and eating an entire chocolate bar by yourself is just what the doctor ordered.  Because when you finish it, the silver lining is so clear.

As you know, we’re in the process of moving.  And, my daughter has decided that she will no longer wear diapers or keep food on plates or in bowls.  So, needless to say, my day was one stretch of cleaning up mess after mess, lost in a sea of boxes and packing papers.  I know so many of you are reading with the “me, too” head nod.  This is just a day in the life.

It was a good day, really, filled with some of my favorite things–long walks with my kids, iced coffee, and a sunny day.  But the weight and stress of all the other stuff got to me, as it can and does to us all from time to time. So I escaped to Target when my husband got home to buy basic things like underwear and orange juice.  It was another mundane activity, but I was so happy to do it.  The people who work there know me by now and asked for my children by name (ha!).  I was alone and basked it it, as I took my time without worrying about popcorn being thrown.  I leisurely looked at underwear and shower curtains and to top it off, I picked up a candy bar in the check-out lane.Continue Reading